


Numb

by SweetbunThorn



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-11 00:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16464923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetbunThorn/pseuds/SweetbunThorn
Summary: Whisper whisper. Throb of pain.





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> I've been with a very massive depression episode and had to write something out.
> 
> These past 8 days have been me self-destructing and lashing out at everyone and everything.
> 
> I only know it's gonna get worse.

Ryuji knows that all too familiar, dreadful mood as he comes back to the waking and continuous world. He ignore that part of his brain that tells him to get up and get ready for school, instead he curled up and hides himself under the covers. He doesn’t want go anywhere, not to the that shitty school were everyday is a struggle just to get nowhere in life at the end. Hell, he doesn’t even want to get up to do and Phantom Thieving. Not with Morgana’s constantly belittling and having no one to turn to tp get him to stop. His leg throbs, reminding him of yet another shit filled decision that ruined his life. The voices lick at the edge of his already tired mind, whispering nothing but hate filled truths and harsh words he’s heard over and over again.

 

Not even Kidd can drive the voices away, the persona in the past had tried, but had gotten nowhere. The bed feels like it’s drifting away in a sea of despair and darkness and Ryuji makes no attempts to cry out for help, knowing that no one will listen if he does. His door opens and the blond already knows who it is. His mother pasues once she spots him and there’s silence for a few minutes before she makes her way through his cluttered room to sit on his cheap bed.

 

“Ryu-kun? Are you up?”

 

Against his better judgment (then again, he’s never had any better judgment in his life. His leg throbs in pain and he bites his tongue) he stays quiet and doesn’t respond.

 

“Ryuji?”

 

Still no answer, his voice is lost in the whispers that have only grown in power since she came in. His mother sighs and gets up from the bed.

 

“I’ll call the school and tell them you’re too sick to go.” The door closes with a soft click.

 

_ You’re a burden to your own mother.  _

 

The voices comment and Ryuji agrees, curling up tighter and willing himself to fall asleep. Except his brain becomes filled with ways to die, several household ways to die, and he opens his eyes. The whispers never stop, the ache in his heart never stop, his stomach curdles with nausea.

 

_ Throb, throb. _

 

His leg goes off again acting like some damn alarm clock with no way to turn it off. Ryuji has half a mind to punch it, anything to get it to stop reminding him, but punching it will only aggravate the old wound.

 

_ Throb, throb. _

 

_ You deserve the pain. _

 

He curls up as tight as his body will allow and claws at the sides of his head. It’s an never ending cycle with his brain and body. He continues digging his nails into the flesh of his head. His mind and body continue their torment of him. 

 

Whisper whisper. Throb of pain.

 

_ Whisper whisper. Throb of pain. _

 

**Whisper whisper. Throb of pain.**

 

**_Whisper whisper. Throb of pain._ **

 

**_Ẅ̶̟̻̝͕́̊̓̿̇̂̏̈́̎͛͋͊͒̂̾͊͊̇͝h̴̼̤̺̤͉̗̔̄̈́͒̆͂̎͗̈͒̄̊͂͛̈͊̈̾̍̐̎̏͂͋̈̕̕͠͝ị̷̧̧̧̛͖̦̦̲͖̞̬̻̫̮̰̻̮͈̹͎̞̰̙̮̱̣̦̲͚̽́̾͊̊̍̓͑̿̎̑̽̆̊̍̊̂̅̑͠s̶̡̢̛͇̝̺͍͈̬̳̣͕͇̻̼͎̼̱̥͇̘̭̙͒͋͊̊͌͆̃̑̒̿͆̏̓̆͐̊̍͑́̀̐̚͜͠͝p̵̡̞̰̙̝̰̠̦̩̝̫̹̹͇̖͍̙̮̗̩͍̎̀͆̆̌̍̓̀̑̊̾̽̈́̈́͐̄̊͆̓͘̚͜ê̴̢̢̗͚̜̒̇͗̀͒̇̉̐̊̍̓̄͊́͠͝r̴̡̧̡͉͈̜̭̹͕̱̩̜̲̜͈̼̹̩͋̅̄͋͌͗̐͂̅̎͛̚ ̸͇͔͙̮͔̻̩̙͓̇̄́̄͒̌̅͋̽̃̿̇̀̍̏̂̏̈̋̆̓̔͗̃̈̚͝w̸̨̝͚͉̪͔̯̪̣̓̌̾͆̅̐͐̇͆̐̃͗͂̾̽̽͌̈̃̏͊͜͝͝͠ͅh̶̢̧̛͗̊͌͠i̵̧̡̛͎̗͓̜͈̩̫̬͖͈̠͓͎̜̞̘̬̣̖͕̲͈͍͇̱͊̇̇͆̈̍̈́̃͆̅͠͠ͅs̶̡̨̨̧̛̬͈̟͓̬̼̼̖̙͔̬͙̹̮͉͓̘̫̥͇̖̮͕̻̲̩͋̎̅̽́͂̒̆͐̏̈̕͠p̸̡̧̙̹̲̦͕̳̤͐́̊͊͘e̴͍̺͙̣̠̱͔̝͙͖͎̬̻̔̎͒̈́̋̏̔̊̃͘͜͠͝ŗ̶̛͈̝̖͚͎̮̰̻̱͉̮͐̓̔́̈́̔͊͌̓̂̆̂̄̈͋̍͘͜͝͝.̵̛̛̹̦̟̞̬̱̻̺̳̠͔͖̞̌̅̋̎̅̈́͑̄͑̅͂͗̈̕͘͝ ̷͓̗͇͕̳͔̪̈́͌͗͆͊̅͌̋͂͒̎͐͑̆̎̓̋̓͆̐̚͝͠͠Ţ̷̨̯̺̙͎̩̼̲̻̭̪̣͖̪̠̫͖̫̩͖̺̃̚h̴̝̑̅̈́͂͆͂r̷̢̦͔̯͇̩͕͍̥͔̯̪̩͈̲̯̮̹̤͕͉̤͕̔̑̈̇͒̐͗̈́̌̈́̈́̆̐̓̚͘o̴̯̯̫͒͗͌̾͑̋͒͆̐̓̅̐̋͑͌̃̓̑̀͘͜͝͠b̶̧̧̗͔͈͔̯̠͎̹̫͓̙̮̬͚͚̺͈͕̊͊͐̃̆͂̐͛̔̔̏̍̐͊͌͊͒̈̚͜͠ ̵̛̛̯͚̟͇̯͈͕̭̯̪̹́͌̏̏̏̇͆̃̒̄̀̆̇̅̒͒̓̃̐̋͆͂̾͘͝ͅö̷̢̡̢̯̝̦̪͓̹͕̝͍̹̰͈̱̙̠̤̯̳̹͍͈̫̩͙̰͕̞́̽̈̓̐͑͒͐̄̈̔̌̎̈́͋̎̾̽̑̆̓͗̅̋͜͠͠͝͝͝f̸̡͙̫̼͇̙̺̞͖̋͑͒̓̃̄̃͋̾̐̈́̚̚͝͝ ̸̢̧̬̩̮̮̬̥̫̦̰͓̼͉͙̫̠͈͈̯͇͙̳͓̺̾̀͌̓̊̐͜͝p̵̛̪͇̜̰̮̻̥̳̳̞͎̠̟̙̻͓̝̏͊̂̏͆͌̇̈̏̿̑͋̽̆̓̿͐̕̚̚͝͠ȃ̴̳̩̬̝̋̍̾̓̓͝į̸̢̡̡͓̹͉͇͖̺̳͈̝̎̿͜͝ņ̵̧̛̖͎͓̦̼̇͊̌̐͐̈́̐͂͂̍̈́̚͝.̷͕͈̗̭̓̃̀̐̽̾̏͑̾͆̾͌̌̑͐̑͋̇̌̎͂̇̉̓̈́̓̽̚͝͠͝_ **

  
  
  
  


“Ryuji?”

 

The blond blinks and opens his eyes, staring into the darkness of his covers. When had he fallen asleep? There’s the sound of something putting placed on the table and someone sitting on the edge of his bed, right behind his back.

 

“Ryuji?”

 

It was Akira, and judging from the sound of hushed whispers (this time not coming from his head) the others had come with.

 

“Akira, maybe he’s asleep. Makoto did say he was out sick.”

 

“Ann, you’ve known him longer than I have. When has he ever been sick?”

 

“... Good point.”

 

Ryuji can feel the hand hovering right above him but he makes no move, he just wants them to leave him alone. Let him wallow in his own self pity and hatred.

 

“Akira.”

 

The hand pauses.

 

“Let me talk to him… Alone.”

Silence as Akira seems to be debating it.

 

“Alright, go ahead, Futaba.” He gets up. “Come on, guys.”

 

Shuffled feet followed by the sound of the door closing. He can hear Futaba coming over and he’s half-expecting some sort of speech that will make him feel better about everything. What he gets instead is a hug from her.

 

“I know how you feel.” She whispers into the blankets. “How everything hurts and is numb at the same time. How the voices never stop. There’s no relief, only pain.” She tightens her hold. “I know the others won’t understand, but I’m here for you. I’m listening.”

 

There’s a wetness in his eyes as his body begins to shake. He lets out a sob and turns around to return the hacker’s hug.

 

“Tell me when the thoughts come back. I’ll make my way over here… by myself.” Futaba mutters.

 

_ Thank you. _

 

_ Thank you. _

 

He knows he can’t say it, his words will come out nothing but a jumbled mess. But he gets the feeling Futaba knows he’s thankful.


End file.
